Montag, 16. August 2010

I’m kind of apprehensive by my love situation still. I know, pitiful, we've had ten years to get comfortable with each other! Nothing between us happened quickly, I think that's actually the best part though. But with it, all that scary vulnerability comes in, and perhaps he’ll never know just how much... because I am always auto-down playing my emotion, or acting so strong - like I can just handle anything that I'm faced with or that I put on myself. But I believe he knows me too well. As he ‘allows’ me to appear strong, while I need to feel that the most sometimes, even if I'm not, even while he still knows the truth. The truth being, I’m obviously just as human as he is. While love makes you believe you’re somehow much, much more than that. 2009 was all about learning how to face vulnerability. Taking what experience I've gathered growing up from teen to adult and putting it into action, from theory & thought. I've just realized there exists but one 'thing' I haven't outgrown or exchanged or changed in any way, one subject, one dream, one goal. I'm still on the path, the same vision that struck me when I was in grade school. It's very important to me, in a way feels like home, a little slice of my identity. If one were to dissect my soul, you may even be able to find it still burning, deeply rooted there. Maybe it's more than obvious what this thing is... As I do discuss it obsessively, fervently - as I do with everything I'm properly mentally fastened to. So, I guess I don't have to spell it out.

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